The infamous Joke Thread

[Kamikazee]

[..ME..]

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

"The second most important quality is careful observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."






True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car.

[SCUMBAG]

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse.
> > Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she
> > had ever seen and walked over to inspect it.
> > As she bent forward to feel the fine leather
> > upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped her.
> > Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if
> > anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't
> > pop up right then. But, as she turned back, there,
> > standing next to her, was a salesman.
> > With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day,
> > Madame how may we help you today?"
> > Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and
> > acting as though nothing had happened she smiled
> > back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of
> > this lovely vehicle?"
> > Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm
> > very sorry to say that if you farted just by touching
> > it, you are going to shit when you hear the price".
> >

[pinkpussy]

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

In fact holidays and weekends are when I toil the most.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in extremely high temperatures.





Dear Penis,



After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

As if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.



REQUEST DECLINED.